We might not know all your secrets but… we do know a lot of them. It’s not that we’re nosy, well not all of us are, it’s just that we tend to run the same routes, over and over, very slowly at the same and all times of the day. We know your routines, we notice changes and well sometimes we’re bored. That leads us to detecting patterns and especially noticing changes from those patterns. You might think sure she knows if I’m renovating, buy a new car or get laid off but it’s way deeper than that and sometimes darker. You might want to be nice to us and move over when you see us coming (if you can) because we know things…
Your relationship status before it’s facebook official
Lots of runners are morning runners, but a training runner will also sometimes have to run later at night. Sometimes a lot later than we want to. We notice what cars are in what yard generally so we notice when there’s a new one there on occasion on the regular. It’s especially exciting to us when a new car in in a yard very, very early in the morning. That’s a sure sign he/she stayed over again and we’re excited for you! After a while we might even make it a point to look and see. New love always makes us smile even while we’re on the run!
That you regularly talk on the phone and drive
Now for a not so happy one. Drivers here’s a public service announcement we can see you very clearly when you’re driving and running toward us. If you’re on the phone we totally see that! If you live on our running route we probably even know where you live. It’s so clear we could totally testify to it in court and also have time to take a picture. Guess what if we see you do this all the time we think you’re an a$$hole, no one has that many emergencies. If we know more about you we might low grade hate you because of this. For example if you’re a parent that makes this behavior worse. You know how dangerous this is and I’m guessing you don’t want me driving distracted around your kid. Guess what some runners have kids and all of them ARE someone’s kid!
If we’re facebook friends and you post about how people need to drive slower, pay attention to crosswalks and school zones and generally be safer because “won’t someone think of the children?” You’re a pretty big hypocrite if you yourself are talking on the phone and driving. If you’re doing that AND video chatting most days on your way home from work we totally know that too. If this is you, you probably need to take a long hard look in the mirror because the inside doesn’t match the outside, and not in a good way.
We know who’s bed your boots have been under
There are certain signs that you been knocking boots visible to runners. Each one is small but taken together sometimes we have a pretty good idea what’s up. If you’re car is anywhere before 7 am, there’s a pretty good chance you spent at least part of the night. When have you ever arrived somewhere before 6:20 am on a Sunday? Maybe you get a pass if you work as a tradesperson but we already know that. Also if you’re arriving somewhere alone after a certain time let’s say 11 it’s probably for one thing. A cautionary note here if we know your car belongs somewhere else with your family say, we might know that too. See driving a distinctive car ain’t always a great thing after all.
What your kids are up to
As a teenager I did some of the regular bad stuff. I walked to the beach to smoke, drank in the odd ditch and maybe took a ride in the odd car while people’s parents were away. Honey’s kids did ALL the other stuff! We see your kid smoking a spliff and going for a walk, parking at the beach, smoking outside their bedroom window or sneaking in or out. I don’t think I’ve ever told on a single one even the odd time I’ve kinda known the parent. It makes us laugh shake our heads and takes us back to our youth. But… wouldn’t you like to know!
That you’re drinking and driving
You’d be shocked by the number of alcohol empties just off road ways no matter where you live. Remember when I said we have lots of time and a great view of drivers and what they are doing. That includes being able to recognize the Budweiser label on the can your sipping from. If you throw something out of the window as you approach a runner chances are it’s still moving as we run by it. So we still know what you threw out. Of course we can’t tell just how drunk you are running past you but rest assured it’s pretty despicable behavior.
If you rent or own
Isn’t that a weird thing to know? I remember in my old hood there were two identical buildings pretty much right next to each other. One was rentals the other condos. When I ran before dark a much higher percentage of condo owners were up (lights) compared with renters. Other clues tip us off too beyond the obvious sign in the yard. Owners have work done usually while they are living there while work gets done on rentals right after someone moves out. Another weird sign is the cars in the yard if you see really nice cars and the house just isn’t kept up it’s a sign its a rental. One rental house on my route recently sold and the new owners are doing tonnes of improvements so I’d guess it’s owner occupied now.
What was up last night
I live in a small town and sirens are out of the ordinary. Sadly the highway that passes it is a pretty dangerous stretch of road. Actually there was an accident there today since I heard the sirens on my run. Plus we’re all just a little bored and nosy so if there were sirens the night before we want to know what’s up. Even if we were tucked safely in bed for a long time before the commotion started by 7 am we’re in the loop. You might be familiar with the 11 pm or even the 1 am crowd when we’re sleeping but we know the 6 am and the 7 am crowd and they’re just as nosy as us. Usually if something happened in town the night before I know all the details from a friendly walker or runner within the first km. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve reported back to honey after a morning run about what caught fire last night.
This is meant to be funny and not so much creepy but… you might be surprised what your friendly neighborhood runner knows about you. So be nice to us! We are creatures of habit by nature and sometimes we just can’t help but notice things. If you’re a runner what’s the craziest thing you ever learned about someone you don’t even know?