So who is us for a bit of a laugh or no way moment? I bike, swim, run, do yoga and dabble in other things here and three too. Want to know how to heal a pole dancing injury? Read on. Ever run barefoot in a major road race in a bridesmaid’s dress on your way to a wedding? Well here are my best dinner party exercising stories, enjoy. Great things happen too, like the post run picture honey took of me on top of the world (and church he’s renovating).
Bruised lady bits from a pole dancing injury (2006)
Yup, that’s me, I’m that girl. A friend of mine and I signed up for a 10 week pole dancing class when it was all the rage. Totally fun and I totally recommend it! So how did it happen? I knew going into it I had little to no upper body strength at the time so… I should have known better. We were learning a new move where you spread your arms about 2 feet apart and slowly lower your body toward the pole from something close to a right angle. Super sexy, super strong move. Pole dancing is generally a lot of fun and really empowering, so I blame that on my delusions of grander. Anyway as soon as the slowly lower part started not a single muscle fibre in my shoulders or arms slowed my decent and bam! Did I fail to mention your meant to end up arms spread and straddling the pole? I got that part right, but I got there way faster than intended, Ouch! How do you deal with this, a lot of sitting.
I’ve found some weird objects (ongoing)
A iPod touch, dozens of spent shot gun shells in the same (not that remote) spot, grow ops in the woods, an 8 ft length of schluter strip (metal edging for tile), 2 of my own head bands, licence plates for cars but also one for a trailer and an all terrain vehicle. I’ve found someone sleeping it off in a ditch, an old dump site full of cars from the 50’s and a full size blue igloo cooler. Actually that cooler is still in the ditch at the crest of the last hill on my regular route, he’s become kind of a running buddy I look forward to seeing when I’m most tiered and I named him Coolio. This continues to be a thing today, for example, I noticed 1/2 toilet. Not the top or bottom half rather roughly 1/2 if cut vertically. Weird right?
Chased by dogs (Ongoing)
Both biking and running I’ve been chased by dogs, actually it happens about once or twice a year. The last time I was running in Clayton Park with my sister’s dog, a vizsla who might like dogs less and enjoy running more than even me. He is possibly only well behaved when he’s running and we had settled into our grove perfectly. We were 8 km into a 10 k he was in his happy place and was I to listening to ‘shake it off’ by Taylor Swift when Frankie passed me like I was stopped jerking the leash on my hand and bruising it terribly. I looked back to see a fat, large stray dog nipping at our heels dragging a long rope. Right after that I passed him! It’s all good though, that km turned out to be my fastest ever! Unfortunately this happens all the time and I hate it every single time.
Barefoot Bridesmaid Runs as Bandit in Bluenose 5 k (2015)
So my sister was getting married the same weekend as the Big race on our city the Bluenose Marathon, during the 5 k to be exact. She got ready at a hotel downtown and took pictures in the park across the street before the ceremony and we had 40 minuets or so to get to the boat club for the ceremony about 3 km away. I was to drive the stuff for the ring bearer and flower girl down in my car and naturally my accountant sister had it all scheduled down to the minute on a spreadsheet. I called the hotel and asked if I would be okay parking in the garage with the race and all and they assured me it wouldn’t be a problem at all. Except, when the time came to pull out, about 8000 runners were streaming by. I had a bit of time to make a decision but after 10 minuets there was no end in site. I asked the people behind me to back up I parked the car, took off my shoes, threw everything including my flowers in a re-useable grocery bag and took of running. With my wedding hair and make-up and street length gown hiked up around my waist I joined the race until it was time for me to take a left and hopped the barrier. It was my intention to grab a cab but there were none so I just kept going. At the venue my lateness was noticed and my mom was blowing up my phone, since the battery was low I wasn’t answering. She thought I might pick up if Richard called and he refused saying, “I know her, she’ll be here, but if she’s not answering it’s for a reason, she’s busy.” Just then I burst in the door with 4 minutes to spare for a glass of pop before preforming my maid of honour duties and the ceremony started on time. Personally, I think this is my best story.
Saved from bear by off roader (2014)
That’s hyperbole for sure! There is a very nice tradition on the trails in the woods, one which I think if we all followed would change the world. Yield down and take care of people below you. It goes like this, if your in a truck yield to everyone and you have a responsibility to keep them safe, If your on a ATV, yield to bikers and walkers and keep then safe. If your on a bike give hikers a wide berth and help them if need be.
One weekday evening I was 15 km from the trail head on the Chester Mersey on my mountain bike and having a great ride. I truck passed me and waved slowing down and asking me if I had enough time to get back to my car. Yes I said and he drove off. Five minuets later I could hear him gun the engine in the distance before he came barreling back. He announced “there’s a moma bear up there and she has cubs, get in the back if you don’t want to ride with me.” I did and about 5 km later I tapped on the window to signal I wanted to get out. All he said was, “yeah, you should be fine from here. You good?” I nodded my head yes and he drove off. When I got back to my car about 25 minuets later, the only one there, his truck was idling next to it. When he saw me come out of the trail, he nodded and drove off.
Now a few black bears have been known to stalk humans and there are stories of attacks in Canada on a few rare occasions. No one has ever been injured in Nova Scotia by one and I don’t think I was ever likely to be the first. To my mystery off-roader, thank you so much! I’m sorry I didn’t get your name, I owe you three Christmas cards. Well done, you!
Kicked out of step aerobics class by instructor friend (2008)
One of my friends was a certified step aerobics instructor in whichever style was popular in 2008. She kept encouraging me to come to her huge class at the gym where I went to grad school. I kept telling her over and over I have no co-ordination, it’s a mistake. I eventually succumbed to the peer pressure and attended. About 20 minutes into the class my toe hooked the step I went tumbling and took out the chick next to me who took it very poorly (understandable so). Anyway she called me out on her headset mic, told me I was right all along and sent me to the showers. You think I would have learned from pole dancing class but sadly no. I do know better than to try Zumba though…
Harassment and unwanted attention
Not really weird but more of a PSA. From what I read I’ve had it VERY easy! Some places are notorious for this sort of thing but… I’ve been honked at and yelled at from passing cars. Rarely the odd driver will turn around and drive behind you propositioning you for a few 100 m before driving off and practicing their bad word vocabulary. Thankfully I only have a handful of minor experiences each year. Every once and a while something totally normal, well-intentioned and coincidental will happen within a human interaction out there that goes awry and freaks you out for a bit. It’s likely a direct cause of all the media attention on female runners who are attacked but the slightest well meaning thing can be unsettling from time to time. If you want to let a female (or whatever) out there, just wave!
I know you all have some crazy stories too, I’d love to hear about those too!
Sweat Sweetly 